For Him
by morgana07
Summary: 1-shot. After helping Sonny, Dean faces the real reason he left the place when he was sixteen and also the reason he still does what he does in his life. *Thoughtful/caring/big brother!Dean & curious!Sam* SPOILERS! 09x07 Bad Boys


**For Him**

**Summary: **_1-shot. After helping Sonny, Dean faces the real reason he left the place when he was sixteen and also the reason he still does what he does in his life. *Thoughtful/caring/big brother!Dean & curious!Sam* SPOILERS! 09x07 Bad Boys_

**Warnings: **_None except for maybe some minor language._

**Tags/Spoilers: **_It's tagged to 09x07 Bad Boys and yes, there may be spoilers within so read with caution._

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own anything. This is written for enjoyment of the fans._

**Author Note: **_It's been a couple episodes since I wrote a tag (have a good reason) so I thought I'd do a quick little one for this one. Hope you all enjoy it but it does have spoilers so read cautiously if you haven't seen the episode._

**SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN**

"You left for him."

Dean Winchester turned at Sonny's voice, not surprised to hear it since he was wondering when the older man might make the connection. He was just thankful he'd waited until Sam was out of earshot to make it.

"Come again?" he asked blankly, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably at the stern level look aimed at him.

"Y'know, it bothered me for a long time after that night why you backed off my offer to help you stay here rather than go with your old man," Sonny stepped closer to the man that had once been a boy he'd watched over for two months. "I could tell when I told you he was outside that you didn't want to go and I almost thought you'd take me up on my offer to stick my neck out to get you to stay here at the farm. At least for another day or so but then you looked out the window and I saw the change even before you turned back to me.

"I laid awake for months after that thinking about you, wondering how you were doing and what you'd seen out that window to make you decide to go back with a man that had pretty much abandoned you. Now I know what it was that made you leave," he glanced toward the road where the Impala was parked and where he knew Dean's younger brother waited. "You left for him. You went back with your Dad for Sam. Isn't that right, Dean?"

It was normally easy to shrug that type of question off. Dean had been doing it for years but this was Sonny. This was the man who'd spent two months actually treating Dean like he was just a teenager with his whole life still in front of him and not just another tool in John Winchester's arsenal for hunting.

"Yeah, I left for him," he finally replied after a deep breath, shifting enough so he could watch his little brother without Sam being aware of it. "You asked me the first day after that cop brought me here why I'd stolen bread and peanut butter…well, there's the reason," he nodded toward his brother, a small smile forming as he tried to reconcile the twelve year old little brother of those days with the tall muscular thirty year old man he'd become. "I wasn't hungry but my little brother would have been."

Sonny nodded, suspecting that it had been something like that the first time Dean had woken up in the middle of the night shouting for 'Sammy' and he finally got it out of the tough as nails teenager about his little brother. "You stole food for him. I also asked you where the hell your old man had been that you needed to steal, Dean. You never told me that either."

Dean's fingers flexed unconsciously. He still respected his father but damn if it was harder these days to remind himself that he loved the man, especially if he thought long and hard about the lives that both he and Sam could have had.

"Hunting a monster a state over," he admitted with the same shrug as he'd used that day when he was sixteen. "He'd given me money for food but I knew it would run out before he got back. I tried to double it in a card game but ran up against a better player than I was. I lost the food money and that was why he left me," he walked more toward the house to take the long way to the Impala because he didn't need or want Sam catching wind of this.

Sam had come to grips with a lot of things about their Dad but there were still things that ticked him off and Dean knew this would be one of them.

"Sam's been my responsibility, my life, since he was six months old, Sonny. The night our Mom was killed and I carried him out of burning house Sammy was mine so taking care of him, feeding him, was one role I never failed at no matter what I had to do…then or now," he paused to reach up as if to touch the long since lost amulet he used to wear and quickly had to shove down those feelings to focus on this. "Our Dad was strict and he didn't take failing, especially from me, well. So when I got picked up, he got pissed and decided to teach me a lesson."

"By leaving you to the system?" Sonny snorted, knowing he hadn't liked the man for a reason.

Dean shook his head, his smile turning sad as he once again looked to the car where his main reason for doing whatever he'd done in his life waited for him. "By taking Sam away from me," he corrected, remembering the near panic he'd felt when he realized his Dad had left him.

The panic and slight fear hadn't come from being left behind by his Dad, or form being left in jail to possibly face time in a county lockup for kids or what could happen to him from the people he'd been left with. No, Dean's panic had come from knowing his little brother had been left with their Dad and Dean had no way of knowing what was happening with Sam.

"Dad knew Sam was what I lived for. He knew Sam was what kept me with him because if it hadn't been for Sammy plenty of times I would've hit the road with my pack and not looked back," he glanced to the house at the window he had glanced out of so many years before to see his baby brother hanging out of the Impala's back window and remembered the joy in his heart that outweighed the dread of returning to a life he honestly didn't want but had accepted.

"To punish me, he took Sam away. That lesson was simply how easy it would be for him to leave me if I failed again and to keep Sam from me. I learned that lesson and vowed to never let it happen again," he did smile fully this time as Sam shifted to look for him and he noticed the slight change in his brother as soon as Sam could see him. "Sam might have walked away from me plenty in our lives but I made damn certain that no one ever 'took' him away from me."

Taking his time to remember the night his Dad had finally remembered he had an older son to come and get him, Dean felt the slight bitterness well in his chest. "He came that night, he came back for me that night a friend told me later, because if he hadn't a man we knew up in Montana had threatened to call CPS on him and take us both himself.

"Dad didn't like it when Pastor Jim got involved and he also needed someone to take care of Sam for him because even at twelve my pain in the ass little brother could be a handful when he wanted to be," he smirked, feeling the hand on his shoulder. "If I could've had Sam and stayed here, I would've in a heartbeat, Sonny. But I couldn't leave Sammy like that. I was willing to give up my dreams, my life but I wasn't willing to give up his. So I stayed. I stuck it out with Dad and at eighteen my bright and brilliant baby brother left on a bus to California for a full ride scholarship to Stanford. If our lives hadn't returned to haunt him, by now he'd be some fancy lawyer instead of riding around with me hunting things that try to eat us on a daily basis."

Sonny watched the brothers exchange looks and understood something he wasn't certain Dean did. "Y'know, ever since I started this place I had to become good at judging people and things," he squeezed the shoulder he still had a hand on a little tighter while giving a slight nod to the younger Winchester. "I picked you up as nowhere near the hardass you wanted to seem to be. I knew you weren't the night you left when I saw you fighting the tears before you made the choice and I also watched you when you stepped out that door."

The man felt the shoulder under his hand go rigid for just a moment. "I suspected the reason you agreed to go with him the second you dropped to your knees to let that boy run into your arms. You might have left for him. You might still do everything that you do for him, to keep him safe but I'd bet you any amount of hard cash right now that Sam would do the same for you given the chance."

"I know he would and that's why I don't give him the chance, Sonny," Dean smiled, lifting a hand to wave that he was coming. "It's the same as before. I'd lie, con, cheat or steal for Sammy just so he never has to make the same choices I did. We have our issues but he'd still my world and if you ever tell him I said that I will cut that pony tail off."

Sonny laughed, giving Dean another hug as he walked with him to the Impala and Sam, reaching out to shake the strong grip of the young man he could see easily had bits of Dean in him. "You boys take care of yourselves and stop by anytime."

"Thanks, Sonny," Sam smiled, eyeing his brother and not missing the brief emotion shining in his green eyes as their eyes met and understanding that this place had affected his brother a lot more than Dean was willing to admit to him.

It was an hour into the drive away from the farm that Sam finally worked up the nerve to do what he'd been debating with himself over.

Sam had been raised with a lot of rules but the main one had been one of Dean's biggest and that was the 'no chick flick moments' rule. It took a lot to get Dean to break that rule and he growled if Sam did but this time Sam needed to regardless of it might get him punched.

He didn't have a lot of memories of that time except for missing his brother and driving both Bobby and Pastor Jim crazy. He did, however, as he was standing beside the Impala tonight have a flash of seeing his brother come out the door of that farmhouse and while their Dad never made a move to even get out of the Impala Sam had practically gone out the window in his haste to get to his big brother.

Sam did remember latching onto Dean and how tightly his brother had held onto him. He also remembered hearing Dean and their Dad talking later that night and now understood his Dad's last words to Dean.

"'_Think of your brother the next time you do something stupid because the next time you lose Sam it could be for a lot longer than two months, son_,'"

Swallowing tightly, Sam was moving as soon as the Impala rolled to a stop for a redlight. "Thanks," he muttered, the hug was given quickly but tightly and while Sam felt Dean tense at the unexpected gesture he was a little surprised to feel it returned.

"Uh okay," Dean blinked as Sam pulled back to his side of the car, recognizing the signs of his no chick flick moments rule about to be crushed under the power of his little brother's puppy dog eyes. "What exactly caused that, Sam?" he asked even though he thought he knew.

"For coming back…for not leaving me," Sam replied softly, glad the car was dark to cover the shining tears he felt because he did know what made Dean leave Sonny's place the night when he'd been sixteen.

"I'd never leave you, Sammy," Dean assured him, voice husky as he laid a hand on Sam's neck like he always had when offering support. "I never would've let him take you away. I'll always be there for you, little brother. No matter what."

As Sam smiled and settled against the door to sleep like he always did from when they were kids, Dean settled into the dark car with just the radio playing.

He'd told Sonny the truth. There was nothing he wouldn't do for his brother and he just hoped he could keep that up the longer this lie went.

**The End**


End file.
